Heather's Journal

I've been kinda busy lately so I haven't updated in a while. It's also been a long time since I spent time with my Ellie. But Saturday, I went with Molly to see Million Dollar Baby. I thought it would be really stupid, but I was surprised. It was really sad though. And for those of you who might actually see it, I won't say what it was about. I'm just going to say Bring some tissues and make sure you go to the bathroom b4 watching it. It's really long!

...I'm kinda in the mind set of Spring already. I'm not eating, I'm always up and doing something...if not, I'm doing a workout video lol, and I sleep like ALL THE TIME! It's crazy....And I have the incredible urge to clean. Oh, And I'm in a really good, and friendly, mood ALL THE TIME. I love spring and summer. My two favorite seasons! ^_^

Other than that, my '87 civic is almost done. My dad is so nice! He's fixing it FOR me! Isn't he great? It should be done before Swirl...at least I hope so. I've gotta get it insured too. That'll be a pain. My dad says that hopefully the silver one AND the blue one will be done by then. I'm not a bad driver, just a lil bit aggressive ;)

I don't particularly like driving, so I'm workin on teaching my Ellie how to drive. Tyler might drive every now and again. Driving just isn't really that fun. I always like to let someone else do the work for me hehehe

Current Mood: content
Current Music: 2pac Changes

There are two sides to every story, my life is no exception. I've got a sensitive side, and a very insensitive side. Neither one benefit me in any way. I know that there is some kind of good in everyone, it just takes a little manipulating to expose it. Another thing I know is that human nature tends to be a very bad thing. I don't care if I sound "preachy" or bitchy deal with it. Nobody made you read this.

Yea, I've been fairly nice lately. I haven't been in a good mood at all, but that's not your problem, is it? The most pleasant distance between two people is laughter. I believe strongly in that. Lucky for you huh? Lucky that I'm here just to make you smile, no matter who you are or what you do to me, I'll still try to make you smile. That's just me. I don't necessarily give a fuck about what you think of it. It's in my nature to make people happy. That's the only way I'm happy.
Maybe I let you have a few up on me, a few jokes at me, maybe some hard feelings. That's the price. I'll just take it passively. But it really gets to me when people whom I depend on let me down. There's that certain breaking point where it's just too much. It just happened tonight. I won't get into details, but when it happens; the point where I just can't take it anymore, I do a complete 180.

Now here's the deal with my insensitive side. I will be a bitch. I will NOT tolerate being made fun of. I do NOT give a flying FUCK if your grandma died, bawl your eyes out, bitch. I don't care. You wanna talk shit? Best hope I don't hear it, or you're dead. If you're lucky, I'll just flat out ignore you. Someone's getting dropped on their ass because I have better things to do. Why should I care about YOU? YOU never cared for me. "An eye for both eyes" that's my motto, you take something, I take more. Compensation and revenge you know? This isn't my favorite side of me, but it gets a helluva lot more done than my more pleasant side. People do things faster, maybe not as accurately or as happily, but it gets done. And on my time too. A good old-fashioned "sorry" never hurt anyone but pride. You got pride? Get rid of it. Maybe I'll be in a compassionate mood and I'll accept an apology right away. Good luck.

Got a problem with this? So do I. I have a problem with randomly hating on people. It doesn't solve much. Think about your actions before you act. Think about your words before you speak.

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: my pounding headache *throb*

Today was really great.
I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.
I feel a bit strange because we've just moved to Idaho and there's a weird smell in the house.
I'm so hardcore. Me and Buzz went to the mall today, and I stole a whole heap of stuff. I got a Good Charlotte CD, a couple of DVDs and some new boots. Buzz got caught, but he fought his way out, and then we stole some lady's car and smashed it into a phone booth.
Last night I had to go and pay Joshua's bail. He's such a jerk. He got arrested for punching the Walmart clerk in the face for refusing to sell him beer. He's only 16!
I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!
I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! I'm so ugly. Don't look at my photos pleeeeeze.
I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
hee i was too lazy to type my own entry so i had a random generator do it for me :D lol cant wait to read it lol
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.
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Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Inner Circle- Bad Boys

I got this in a email and someone had it in they LJ so I decided to post it cuz i was bored and i really have nothing else to say, so enjoy listening to me be a complete dork :p

-----------------DESCRIBE------------------
[x] The shoes you wore today: my pink and blue roos
[x] Your eyes: green with contacts. gray without
[x] Your fears: I have some somewhere…maybe…

-----------------WHAT IS------------------
[x] Your most overused phrase on msn: maybe lol…but don’t we all overuse that one?
[x] Your thoughts when first waking up: crap…its late
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes
[x] Your best physical feature: anything I changed about myself :p
[x] Your bedtime: I like to go to bed b4 the sun comes up…or b4 it goes down…either way is good
[x] Your most missed memory: I loved being a kid and believing in dreams and being under the illusion that I could do anything I wanted to if I just set my mind to it. Growing up, I realized I have limitations…I definitely don’t miss those.

-----------------YOU PREFER------------------
[x] Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi…preferably cherry
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: Mc Donalds
[x] Single or group dates: depends on who…and what I'm feeling like doing that nite
[x] Adidas or Nike: uhh…both?
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: the sweeter kind

-----------------DO YOU------------------
[x] Smoke:
[x] Curse: too much
[x] Take a shower everyday: yea…sometimes 2x sometimes not lol
[x] Have any crushes?: I might…as soon as I remember
[x] Who are they: I told you I forgot
[x] Do you think you've been in love? Yea…er… maybe?
[x] Want to go to college: no, but I prolly hafta
[x] Like high school: not usually
[x] Want to get married: yea
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yea…what kinda question is that?!
[x] Believe in yourself: no
[x] Get motion sickness: no
[x] Think you're a health freak: no
[x] Get along with your parents: not my mom…but I get along with my dad most of the time (lol he's never home)
[x] Like thunderstorms: yea, brings me back to my childhood *sigh*

------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID / HAVE YOU--------------
[x] Gone to the mall: yea
[x] Eaten sushi: no
[x] Been on stage: doubt it
[x] Been dumped: no
[x] Gone skating: no
[x] Made homemade cookies: yep
[x] Dyed your hair: yea
[x] Stolen anything: no

-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
[x] Flown on a plane: well, in my mommy hehe
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: haha yea
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: yea
[x] Cried during a Movie?: no
[x] Had an imaginary friend: most likely. I prolly named her heather
[x] Cut your hair: yea
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: no
[x] Been caught "doing something": uhh….
[x] Been called a tease: errr….
[x] Gotten beaten up?: yea
[x] Been in a fight: yea
[x] Shoplifted: when I was like 5…

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------
[x] Age you hope to be married: 19
[x] Numbers of Children: anywhere form 1-6
[x] Descibe your Dream Wedding: I dono…big…
[x] How do you want to die?: not old
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up?: I hate this question. I'm not good at stuff
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: Japan, England, Ireland, Hawaii (yes, that's another country to me :p), and Australia.

-----------------OPPOSITE SEX------------------
[x] Best eye color: brown
[x] Best hair color: black, brown, or blonde
[x] Short or long hair: not longer than mine
[x] Best height: I'm thinking 5'4" to 6'6"
[x] Best weight: chunky is ok, skinny is ok, muscular is ok, just not like morbid obese…my house has weak ceilings
[x] Best first date location: don’t care
[x] Best first kiss location: wherever

-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------
[x] Number of Boyfriends/Girlfriends: I don’t know how to count these…if only you knew….
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: err....
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: maybe 2 or 3…?
[x] Number of CDs that I own: I'm poor ok, so I'm not answering that :p lol
[x] Number of piercing: 4…I'll get more ;)
[x] Number of tattoos: none yet
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? dono
[x] Number of scars on my body: on my legs, feet, and especially hands…too many…and I have some weird scars everywhere else.
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: don’t ask

---------FAVORITES------------------
[x] Shampoo: whatever appears in the shower
[x] Color(s): I like baby blue and baby pink and black and red
[x] Day/Night: Night
[x] Summer/Winter: Summer
[x] Lace or Satin: eeny meeeny mieny mo….:p
[x] Fave Cartoon: …dono
[x] Fave Food: Pizza
[x] Fave Movies: I dono
[x] Fave sport: football and wrestling

----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
[x] Right Now Wearing: jeans, hoodie, shirt, sox
[x] Drinking: water
[x] Thinking about: nothing right now really
[x] Listening to: my computer singing like a yetti

---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------
[x] Cried: no
[x] Worn jeans: yea
[x] Met someone new online: no
[x] Done laundry: yea
[x] Drove a car: yea

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
[x] Yourself: no
[x] Your friends: yea
[x] Santa Claus: no
[x] Tooth Fairy: no
[x] Destiny/Fate: yea
[x] Angels: yea
[x] Ghosts: yea
[x] UFO's: yea
[x] God: yea

------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: sure…
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: no
[x] Do you like anyone?: I guess…wait, didn’t I just get asked this?
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: I don’t think I have friends like me
[x] Are you close to any family member?: yea a few cousins
[x] What's the best feeling in the world?: this will sound sappy, but fuck you, I like to know I made someone else's day better
[x] Worst Feeling?: feeling useless
[x] What time is it now?: 14:25…crap…it's late

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Gorillaz-Sunshine in a Bag

Well, now that I'm a whale penis, I have broadened my horizons...yeh! Well, I ate a hot dog this morning...does that count?

Anyway, I'm going to my cousin's house today for the new year thingy. I think we watch tv and drink fake alcohol...mgph. O well, I hope it will be fun anyways. I'll prolly just fall asleep like I did last year...o wait, so did everybody else...and me and ellie were the only not drunk people on the planet that nite...*tear* sad memories...

OK i think i did nothing else worth saying...lemme think b4 i push ok...its a pain in the arse to go and edit stuffs....nope ok, bye

Well, yet another year where I miss out on the ski trip. Same reason too lol, no money. Well, that and I guess I really don't like skiing as much as I like shoes. It's not my fault my mom won't just GIVE me money...wow, now I'm sad......Ok I'm better.

I was supposed to go to peoria with my dad to return some shit, but I didn't feel like going and I don't have money, so I declared today Pajama Day. :) I was supposed to clean my room. I kinda did. Wow, I miss days like this where nobody's home, nobody calls, and I don't hafta do anything! This makes me happy. I can just sit and play video games...hehe...but I'm not really a hardcore gamer or anything...I play animal crossing and manage to lose. :) I'm such a dork :p

Well, that's it for now...yep, back to lounging around in my PJs hehe

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day

Wow, O.o Friday's dance was a flop! Hah! Little schools suck! Really, there was maybe a dozen people there. It was really pathetic. People danced to maybe...2 songs. Other than that, Dillon came to the game drunk. He makes me so mad sometimes! I like alcohol, I have no problem with it. The problem I have is when people get shitfaced and say and do shit they don't mean to. It's not bad enough he stabbed me in the hand, no, now he has to start shit with me at my school! If the principal wouldn't have kicked him out, I probably would have gone absolutely crazy. I was getting pissed to the point where I was ready to beat the fuck out of him. Maybe when he wakes up with a few broken bones, he'll realize that he needs to lay off the drinking just a lil bit.

And Saturday made me want to hurt fuzzy puppies. Some bitch I know thinks she knows everything. It annoys the hell out of those of us who actually do! (lol :P j/p) But seriously, she meets someone for all of 30 minutes. She asks me 21 questions about them, and then claims to know their life story. That just short of pisses me off. I know she bugs the hell out of Ellin too. She decided to write a letter to one of my cousins. She asked a friend to give it to him. They both read it...and so did everyone else. She got pissed at both of them b/c they think she's psycho. Well no shit, sherlock! You said some psychotic shit like how much she wants to make him bleed. The guy you were talking about isn't exactly horrible. He may be kinda ugly and may act like a child, but he's honestly NOT that bad. And trust me, when I decided to tell you that you're not normal, maybe you should consider an institution. I think that 99% of all living things are normal. Hell, I threaten to kill people. I bite until you bleed. I'm just violent, that's all. I wouldn't consider me crazy. But she's like psycho Christian. She's never done alcohol/drugs. Most people try one or the other in a lifetime. Ppl who heven't--there's nothing wrong with you, you just surprise the rest of us. She's never associated herself with the ppl who do drugs or alcohol, and she's never really talked to any "scary" people. She just decided to tell me one day that she doesn't want to be a good girl. I told her that she definately wouldn't like it, but no, nobody listens to me! She's like, "Why not? It's more fun than I have!" I told her that she's just a defiant little girl who needs her mommy. She got pissed, so I told her exactly what that job description entails, and she changed her mind for the day. Hah! Her parents question her when she comes home smelling like cigarettes. (My mom smokes.) Ellin, do our parents care if we come home smelling like weed? (our friends smoke) This bitch just makes me laugh. And now I wanna throw up.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Current Music: System of a Down-Starlit Eyes

You know, Bailey did a lot of really dumb things, but I miss him. I met him just over a year ago and I'm feeling a bit of nostalgia. Me and Ellin reminisce about the time he took us up to his grandma's with Kemper and we went sledding. OMG, I was GI Jane! I miss him. He's such a dick, but he's a great guy when he wants to be. And I don't care WHAT Amanda says, he's a GREAT father. He'll make sure Jillian has everything she will ever need. I hate it when he says he wants to come home in a fucking box. I hate it when he says his fiancee won't last. I hate it when he says he feels like shit. I'd give anything for him to just tell me how happy he is. He NEVER says that anymore. He always used to call me and tell me how happy he was, but he always seems to be so sad now. What the hell does it take? I've tried just about everything to make him happy. I tried to be in a romantic relationship, but for some reason there was something wrong with that. I try to be his friend, yet again, for some strange reason, that can't happen either. I try to completely erase him from my memory and ignore his existance completely, but that doesn't work! Maybe it's just me. I've always thought there was something wrong with me...whatever.

I think I'm over him, but when I move on, there's always something wrong. I don't trust him because he's too perfect and I'm afraid he'll do something to hurt me, or I'll fuck it up and hurt him. Maybe I sound dumb when I say I want a retarded boy. Do I sound completely psycho when I say I want him to be a jerk? Perhaps I sound nuts when I say that he needs to tell me what I'm doing, but that's what I want. I find the perfect boy and there's something wrong with it. Is it safe to say I give up? Is it wrong to say how much I miss what I never really had? Well he's gone now, there's nothing I can really do but move on. I tried that, it's not working for me. Going back didn't work either. I really do think I give up.

Ellin has someone she likes, but she doesn't know if he likes her back. I really wish he'd tell her one way or another. I hate to be left guessing, but that's how everyone seems to do things. I'm not a mind reader and I don't like guessing games. I'm really dumb as a box of rocks when it all comes down to common sense. I may be a brainchild and all, but trust me, I give blondes a bad name. Maybe that's why I feel so empty sometimes. Maybe I just need a boyfriend, best friend, or a combination of both to help me figure out what I want.

I know a certain someone that likes to try to help, but is really opinionated in the wrong sense. This person really cares for me, and I really care for this person, but their views are so much different than mine. It's just not working. Nobody is going to tell me how I live. And today, I got accused of being totally different around certain people. That's me. I can definately say I'm bipolar, but I might even go so far as to say skitzophrenic. I have 3 different environments and 4 different personalities. They're starting to meet each other--my worst fear. The reason I live in such a matter is complicated. Why not live more simply as oneself? My family expects me to be a really good person, and I'm not. My friends expect me to be a good role model, but I'm not. I can't (and won't dare try) list every bad thing I've done that nobody knows about. The reason I'm different isn't because I'm trying to impress anyone. It's because you all expect too much out of me. I try to be a good role model and a good person, but I can't. When you see my bad side, you think I'm frontin, but it's not like that. It's me. I'm sorry. I'm trying to break my habits before you have to learn about them. But it's hard.

Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Glycerine--Bush/ I miss you--Blink 182

Wednesday-that means Police Explorer meeings. It's like being a cop, but it's strictly volunteer. We're usually called rent-a-cops or rent-a-pigs or baconbits. Well, the ironic thing is, I'm actually sort of...well I have a slight bit of paranoia around cops. I was always taught that they were bad people who were always out to get me, yet now I'm one of them. Most people jump to the assumption that I'm a "good girl". Actually, I don't nark on ANYONE. I don't believe in blackmail. I'm not a hypocrite, so I'm not going to chide you about doing things that I do. I might advise you to do otherwise, but trust me, I'm not an angel.

Anyway, today was my off day! I'm blonde. Yes I give blondes a bad name, but I don't mean to! Everyone keeps telling me how smart I am, but if you tend to hang out with me, you'll soon realize that I severely lack common sense...and speaking skills for the English language. I'm not black, but sometimes I talk in ebonics. It's not like I mean to, I don't even know where I picked it up...maybe my dad?? Whatever. I completely forgot how to read today. Very few people can actually understand what I mean when I say that. Maybe it's my meds...I got sick and I'm on medicine that gives me temporary ADD. I can't focus for shit, and it makes me so tired! The stuff's addictive though. I try not to take it unless my cough is really bad. Well, anyway, I looked at some words, and they were just odd-looking ink blots. They had no meaning to me whatsoever. I'm not a sherm head but if you didn't know me, you'd swear I was on something!


Anyway, my day was pretty uneventful, can't you tell? But I've never got a shortage on what to say. I take that first comment back...there was one thing that happened. Thanks, Dillon, for stabbing me in the HAND! LOL and thanx for healing it :) I'm such a dork

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: CKy-Chinese Freestyle